STAFFORD, VA — Local resident and self-described "fantasy football visionary" Derek Mumford, 38, confirmed this week that his fantasy football team, The Gronkonauts, has officially outlasted both his marriages, three jobs, and a lease on a 2019 Kia Sorento.

"We've been together eleven seasons," Mumford said, speaking about his team with a tenderness his ex-wives say they never experienced. "Through injuries, bye weeks, roster cuts. That's commitment."

Mumford's attorney, reached for comment, confirmed that The Gronkonauts were listed as a "significant emotional asset" during his most recent divorce proceedings and that his ex-wife had initially sought partial custody of the team.

"We settled out of court," the attorney said. "She gets the house. He keeps the roster."

A Love Story

Friends and family say Mumford's devotion to the team has been both impressive and clinically concerning. His mother, Linda Mumford, recalls the moment she knew her son's priorities had shifted.

"He forgot my birthday," she said. "But he remembered the exact stats of every player on his bench in Week 9 of 2021. I believe the phrase he used was 'the numbers are seared into my soul.'"

Mumford's first marriage ended in 2020 after his wife discovered he had spent their vacation fund on a premium fantasy sports analytics subscription. His second marriage lasted slightly longer but reportedly deteriorated after he named their newborn son "Lamar" over his wife's objections.

"She wanted 'Oliver,'" Mumford recalled. "But Oliver doesn't put up 340 passing yards on a Monday night."

The Numbers

The Gronkonauts have compiled a lifetime record of 94-67-1, with two league championships and what Mumford calls "an unquantifiable number of moral victories."

Financial records obtained by Fast Breaking News indicate Mumford has spent approximately $14,000 on league entry fees, draft tools, and branded merchandise for a team that exists entirely in a computer.

"It's an investment," Mumford insists. "I've won $800 in prize money over eleven years. That's almost breaking even if you don't count any of it."

What's Next

Mumford says he has no plans to retire the team and is already preparing for next season's draft with a "comprehensive scouting program" that involves watching YouTube highlights during work hours.

His current girlfriend, who asked to remain anonymous, says she is "cautiously optimistic" about the relationship but has "concerns about September through February."

At press time, Mumford was seen wearing a custom Gronkonauts jersey to a funeral.