WASHINGTON, D.C. — The federal government ground to a halt Wednesday after a congressional intern accidentally created a group chat containing all 535 members of Congress, leading to what historians are already calling "the fastest constitutional crisis in American history."

The incident began at approximately 9:47 AM when 22-year-old intern Tyler Russo attempted to forward a meme to his supervisor but instead added every member of the House and Senate to a single iMessage thread.

"I was trying to send the thing with the cat," Russo explained in a tearful press conference. "The cat that looks like it's doing taxes. It was very funny."

The Descent

Within the first three minutes, the chat had accumulated over 4,000 messages. Congressional aides report the following timeline:

9:47 AM — Meme sent. Cat doing taxes.

9:48 AM — Seven senators respond "Who is this?" simultaneously.

9:49 AM — Representative from Ohio sends a thumbs-up emoji. Representative from California responds with "Please remove me from this thread." This message triggers 200 identical requests.

9:52 AM — Someone shares an opinion about infrastructure. All productivity ceases.

9:55 AM — Two opposing party leaders accidentally agree on something. Both immediately retract their statements.

9:58 AM — The Speaker of the House mutes the chat. Unfortunately, this mutes the Speaker.

The Fallout

By 10:15 AM, the thread had devolved into what one anonymous staffer described as "Reddit but with nuclear launch codes." Several members reportedly began drafting legislation directly in the chat, while others used the opportunity to share vacation photos.

The government officially shut down at 10:32 AM when a vote was accidentally conducted via emoji reactions, resulting in the simultaneous passage and repeal of 14 contradictory bills.

Phone carriers reported a 3,000% spike in data usage from the Capitol Hill area. Apple's iMessage servers briefly went offline.

Resolution

The crisis was resolved at approximately 4:00 PM when a bipartisan committee was formed to figure out how to leave the group chat. The committee has requested a $2 million budget and an 18-month timeline.

Tyler Russo has been reassigned to "a role that does not involve technology," according to his office. His cat tax meme has since gone viral, receiving more engagement than any piece of legislation in the last decade.

At press time, three members of Congress were still typing.